Beachy encounters

*You are as conservative

as your boxer shorts.

Isn't it high-time

you loosen up

just like the strings

supporting my board shorts?

*I can skimboard my way

to be within your reach.

It's only a few minutes

before you get

that most mind-splitting

trajectory projectile

experience

ever!

Beer match

Were you ever worth those two bottles of strong beer?

I was never a fan of the bitter taste but it's probably what I needed all along to finally make that move. You see, I am naturally shy and no matter how hard I try, it all ends up to this.

I suck at flirting.

I hope you didn't notice the jitters as I approached you from across the room and finally mumbled my first lines, "are you with someone tonight?" You smiled and gave me the reply I needed.

Everything else was a blur that night except for that kick that I got from drinking beer. I was a total klutz but you didn't mind. At least that's what you told me.

Now, I ask once again. Were you ever worth those two bottles of beer?

You must be. It's been a whirlwind of a month and things are going far greater than I expected it to be.

Steady lang tayo...

Happiness in uncertainty?

There would come a time when you have to face the music. There would come a time when all that doubt would have to simply fade into oblivion.

I want you to be prepared...

For the truth might not be of your liking.

For your hopes might be false all along.

For your expectations might get shattered.

You have been holding on to this for so long. You are dangerously anchored in the happiness you feel even if it meant sailing through the cold, uncaring waters of uncertainty.

You must finally get that courage to face your fears. It's time to be in touch with what's real. I don't want you to hold on to this uncertainty for one minute more. You see, the longer you subscribe to this uncertainty, the more likely you'll get hurt.

Ask away! Do not betray yourself by holding on to temporary happiness and deafening uncertainty. These two hardly ever mesh.

Ask away for you might just have the most pleasant surprise of your life.

Ask away! If it ever were to be a worst-case scenario, cry. Learn to bask however in that moment of clarity after. You will heal for sure.

Then you can move on and fall in love again.

Dear Rainy Tuesday...

You never fail, my dear friend. You set the mood in a heartbeat.

I am lying in bed in the company of comforting pillows and cozy sheets as you fall. I wish though that I have someone beside me now so we can make out the whole afternoon.There's none and it sucks a bit. What use would my make-out playlist have if no one's here?

Wallowing in could-have-beens is not part of my agendum today however so I won't let that sucky thought cross my mind anymore.

I am so over it. I am moving on.

I am tempted to read a book. My senses have been ignited to go out and get drenched. My bed's urging me to sleep. My IPOD is just within reach.

All these temptations swirling about in my head, wanting to be the first in priority.

Yet here I am, typing away.

I love to blog, can't you see?

Some things would have to wait. I won't give in to anything as of yet until these last lines of my blog.

Make out.

Get cozy.

Give in to John Mayer's new album "Battle Studies."

Do reruns of the movie "500 Days of Summer."

Succumb to slumber.

Tough choices, eh?

I choose slumber. With that, I say, "have a cozy afternoon."

Jobless...

This is not going to be a weepy tale of my jobless days years back. I was relatively young then anyway and except for not having money to spare for my wants and for some relatively rare instances of boredom, those days turned out great.

I was fresh from a brief stint of junior accountant duties in some corporation specializing in the manufacture of animal feeds. I had to stop since I was not enjoying my job anymore. I spent endless days with countless sheets of journals and 16-column worksheets. I, tasked with a punishing workload would end up taking work home. I found it unhealthy and I came to a realization that it would be better if I start looking for a job which I would enjoy being in.

Hence, the jobless days. The parental units didn't seem to care for the first few days. Two weeks went down the lane and them seeing me not making any effort to look for a job caused their internal alarms to be on a wild ringing spree. They didn't bother to hide their disappointment anymore.

I on the other hand had the time of my life. I watched TV until my eyes were half-blind.

I longed for those days I woke up as late as I wanted to.

I remember those days I frequented my aunt's sari-sari store slash videoke house. I held concerts there from late mornings to late afternoons.

If nothing's good to see on TV, I was tuned in to radio. I was a radio freak, freak enough to memorize Dice and K9's "Itsumo" even. I participated interactive radio programs. Such involvement however on these radio programs can only go as far as my cellphone load's limit.

The downsides? There are a few but the most memorable would have to be not having caught the movies "Kill Bill", "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", and "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" in cinemas. Sigh, I still remember how interesting the discussion was on NU 107 then about the 3rd installment of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. That was the very time I wished I had a job and had money to spare for movie tickets. Anyway, these movies I missed, I got to watch them eventually on DVD.

One month and 2 weeks after my resignation as junior accountant, I was ready to take on another job. The novelty of a stress-free life has started to wane. It was perfect timing. I was watching some local series with a story revolving around mermaids. An ad about a business processing outsourcing company conducting a job fair in Royal Mandaya Hotel in Davao then appeared.

I was Davao-bound the next day to take my chances. The rest as they say is history.

My Grown-up Christmas List

The Holidays are just around the corner and everyone of my Facebook friends have started posting photo albums of what their wishes are for the upcoming season. I might as well do the same...here in my blog.

Let's take this however at face value, folks. This is a wishlist and some of what's on my wishlist might remain wishes this year. That's really just how the cookie crumbles. Anyway, there's still next year. :-)

Here goes.

Every episode of Ugly Betty has never disappointed in providing the laughs, and the inspiration. It would be nice to have the DVD of the 3 seasons handy when you're in the mood for reruns instead of having to watch them online.

Next on the list are approved vacation leaves. This reminds me to file them now. I have heard of vacation leaves that never got approved because they were never filed in the first place. :-p

An IPHONE! It's like your reliable mobile phone and IPOD in one gadget. This is definitely a must-have. I am really contemplating if I'm going to buy one as a gift to myself for Christmas.


A reliable digital camera to capture the moments. My blogs would definitely be more interesting if I have this instead of just relying on my camera phone.



I miss mom, dad, and my siblings in Davao. It would be totally delightful to be home even for just a few days this Christmas.



Durable and reliable headphones for my IPOD! I have no luck when it comes to earphones. I always had to buy new ones every 3 months.




The green and blue colors are on blissful orgy in this jacket. I am an Adidas fan!

Last year, I remember splurging a portion of my 13th-month pay for some white-colored Adidas shoes which up until now remains to be my favorite from amongst my shoe collection. Time for a new favorite, baby!. I think I'm drawn to this black and orange one.

Someone as arresting as this Asian star!

And lastly, world peace.

If ever just one of my wishes are to come true, let it be this. This is not one futile wish as I will start propagating peace within me.

A man as scorching-hot as the one in the pic posted above is a close second to those wishes I'd wish to come true if only one would. :-)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE! :-)

My life in ruins...

To put it very bluntly, sh*t happens.

Sometimes, our aspirations and plans do not coincide with reality. In life, we experience detours and setbacks and it's frustrating.

For Georgia (played by Nia Vardalos of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" fame), life has taken a downturn after she lost her teaching job in Athens. Being a tour guide is the last thing on her mind but she had to succumb to such to make ends meet. She hates the job and it shows. She's uptight and boring.

Georgia's "kefi" (Greek word for passion and enthusiasm) has gone down the drain and thoughts of her life having no sense of direction starts to drench into her system like a waterfall.

"My Life in Ruins" is a movie that I can very much relate to. You see, at a young age of 26, I still have those really dark moments wherein thoughts of a life not having any sense of direction eats at me. Some might say that I shouldn't be going through this phase. I have been in the business processing outsourcing industry for five years and I had some share of success as far as my career is concerned. Two promotions in 5 years is not bad. It's not bad at all.

Still, such thoughts linger. I feel that at my age, I could have accomplished more. I could have done more. I have a lot of dreams that have remained dreams and it becomes frustrating when I get to a realization that I am putting my life on hold because of some circumstances.

This movie however inspires. It tells me straight to my face that it is never too late to make things happen. Just like Georgia, I am given a chance to make each day the best that it can ever be.

I should just revive the "kefi" that got lost along the way.

Of course, it never hurts to get a little help from my friends.

And I should take one of the tourist's advice to Georgia when they did a stopover at the Parthenon. I should stop anticipating the obstacles and instead focus on the magic that happens every waking day of my life.

Rating: 5/5

* This movie is heartwarming, inspiring, and funny. It tells a story and doesn't lose itself as a travelogue.

All that jazz...

*Brilliance would not mean anything
If no one affirms that you are.

*Flimsy excuses are always pathetic.
No one will buy it.
Declaring to everyone that you are not selling it
Is just another pathetic excuse that no one will ever buy.

*No one is perfect
and it is perfectly okay to admit that you are wrong if you indeed are.

*Humility, it is so rare to see these days...
Sad, but true...

That fear of the unknown

The phrase "fear of the unknown" used to hold no meaning to me before. It's so easy to associate such line as cliche's we never seem to get tired of. I was blunt then. I couldn't fathom the idea as to how someone would harbor fear over something they are vague about. For me, those lines were just verbal arsenals that losers like to arm themselves with when they can't seem to figure things out.

Such was the case until I was caught off-guard one day. I saw an ugly trend starting to loom over the horizon. Waking up suddenly became as complex and as difficult as that college algebra math equation that I haven't made an effort to make heads or tails with.

What is happening? It's like I am dreading having to start my days and if I had my way, I'll just sleep the whole day.

I never had to deal with any of these things before. I had my answers then when I was caught up in these situations. The reflective mode in me has already been unleashed and hard as I try to rack all crevices of my brain to search for the cause of that fear, I see myself on a dead-end. And that frustrates me. There's that yearning to know and when that is not satisfied, another kind of fear takes its course.

I may not be able to figure out the cause of this fear yet, but I have already figured out as to what I should do when I am caught up in these frustrating circumstances. I will just get out of bed minus the second thoughts and over-analysis, prepare for work and deal with the unexpected things the day would bring.

I have come to a realization that even if such a fear is unknown, I don't necessarily have to fully figure it out. I'll just let it slip away for good. It's all in the mind as they say. Now that's one hell of a cliche'.

Missing the beach!

My toes are itching for the sand to caress them once again. I miss the comforting sound of waves gently crashing to the shore.

I yearn for the pitch-black darkness of the night while the cold wind blows as I, clad in board shorts and comfy sandals just sits alone on the shore with my IPOD in tow as it plays those heartwarming and heart-wrenching slow jams.

I miss the company of stars and the warm glow of the moon amidst the dull, black surroundings.

I miss the warm, tender embraces too.

Lastly, I miss the times I never get to say "no" to you when you invite me for a night swim...

Take me to the beach again, will you?

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

You can deny it all you want but this second installment of the Twilight franchise is highly-anticipated. I hear people talk about it during smoke breaks. I read it in forums. I see my Facebook contacts posting the trailer or just plain talking about it on their shoutouts.

I saw the first install and I left the cinema with nothing to rave about. Perhaps I should blame it on the fact that I didn't read the novel where it's based from. Or maybe not. I have watched movies which are adaptations of novels I never got to read but I still got to enjoy them.

Perhaps what really aroused my curiosity on that first install was Kristen Stewart. I love the movie "Panic Room" where she played the tomboyish daughter of Jodie Foster and it would be exciting as to how she'll attack a role that would have her saying cheesy lines about love and getting comfy with Robert Pattinson.

Anyway, that's not the whole point of this blog. What I really want to highlight here is that I am going to watch the second install for free. The employee engagement team of the business processing outsourcing company I work for will allow us employees to experience the saga for free by reserving an Ayala cinema exclusively for us. This would be for various screenings.

I am not really excited to see this movie.

Okay, maybe I am. I am excited to see Jacob Black in his half-naked glory. I have no right to complain as I am seeing this for free.

And maybe, just maybe, this movie would turn out to be a more interesting experience than the first. Otherwise, I'd just hope to be seated next to a cutie. My friend keeps reminding me a tad too often that trashy movies are never really a bad thing. If it's trashy, that only means you'll have more time to focus on cuddling with whoever's seated next to you. Just kidding!

I hope to see you guys there. So who's going to sit next to me? LOL

500 Days of Summer

It's exactly those thoughts that hopeless romantics want to get caught up in over and over again, finding "the one" by fate as the cosmic stars connive in its attempt for "happily ever after" to start taking its course.

Then a movie called "500 Days of Summer" comes along. Like a needle out to burst hopeless romantics' bubbles, it tries to defy formula. The line "this is not a love story" greets you shortly after the movie has started. Most romantic comedies have girls as hopeless romantics. This one tries to take on a different landscape as it has the boy hopelessly clinging on to destiny.

Whether you have been through really bad breakups or never had to be on the losing end in the game of love, this movie will give you that moment of clarity. It makes you want to explore the other side if you've been playing mostly Tom Hansen's character in real life or Summer's.

Never has a movie been so devoid of any cheesy lines. There are no airport scenes with one of the leads professing his/her realizations that it's love after all and how stupid he/she has been for figuring it out at the last minute.

This movie tries to keep it real. You want real, here's real.

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.

Tom: Knew what?

Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Pretty heart-wrenching!

My take in all of these is simple. The movie clearly shattered our idea of fate and destiny. In the end, everything's just coincidence and if something's meant to be, then it's bound to happen.

Everything may just be coincidence. This should not in any way hinder us however from taking chances for in taking chances, we could be finding the very thing or person that can make us happy for the rest of our lives.

Is there a happy ending for the Tom Hansens in us? There should be! For one, no one is in the losing end when he/she loves. Expectations may not coincide with reality. That's just how it works sometimes but in the end, you will learn to heal and move on.

Love is truly unpredictable. You or your partner may wake up one day and feel differently. With this as the case, we should never rely on anyone to keep us happy.

Rating: 5/5

In a heartbeat...

I'm so sorry.
It just so happened
That you can't change

The alignment of my moon and stars.

Whatever happens,
Would all depend
On how I deal

With what life has to offer me.

Watch me
Prove you

Wrong
In a hearbeat.

Naughty!

What can I do?
You make it sound
Like it's the best thing
That should happen
To both of us
That fateful night.

Never mind if the morning after,
I'd end up with a trailing voice

And a sore throat.
I'll just wait for the sun to rise
And that would be my cue
To start resting
This overworked tongue of mine.

Aaah! Gossiping the whole night.
It can be better

Than whatever it is

That you've been thinking

All this time. :-p

Never too late...

Yours could have been my first encounter of what they so call tough love. It turned out though that I chose to get too overwhelmed with your toughness that I can't see the love hidden in the background.

I remember how easy it was to harbor those ill feelings that developed through the years. I remember how I have managed to talk nonchalantly to my friends on just how annoying your anger management challenges were and how hard-hitting, reckless, and biting those words you hurled were when I was young.

Believe me when I say that I spent so much time hating you and getting any glimmer of a chance to be far away from you was something that onced crossed the deep recesses of my mind before.

But as they say, things just get better in time and wounds are healed. Looking back in retrospect, I think I have to thank high heavens for those days I was jobless for a few months. It gave me ample time to think and go through those past emotional rollercoasters in a different perspective. Mom has been convincing me ever so often to look at the positives and I have shunned her all the time. I refused each time she opened up the topic. I was so glad I gave in to chance. Before deciding to embrace a career in Cebu, I knew I was ready...

I knew I was ready to let go of the hurt and be more open to the idea that loving can take many forms. I know you knew of the hurts and struggles. I haven't been able to tell you though that I've let go. They say that there are some things that should both be said and shown. This is one of them but I know you're awkward to drama and so am I. For now, I just wish that through my actions, you will be led to that belief that I hold no hurts anymore and such decision to let go of such has been nothing less of rewarding. It is one of the best decisions I have made in my 26 years of existence.

There are still instances that I wallow in disappointment. It frustrates me to think of just how much time was wasted for holding on to that anger. It is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Pa, I have never told you this at all but I deeply appreciate how you have taken care and loved Mama all throughout the years. It hasn't been easy over the most recent ones but you have been such a loving husband to Ma who had to put some dreams on hold after retirement due to sickness.

Thank you for taking care of my brothers Adrian and Redentor, and my sister Roselle. I thank you letting me and my siblings see the value of good education.

Thank you for letting me experience without fail the kinilaw and barbecue that I long for whenever I get the chance to go home.

Thank you for those times you took us to school and fetch us after classes, and for waking up early every Saturdays just so I don't get to be tardy during my CAT officership training way back in high school.

You have truly made me see a love that is unconventional yet real, unconditional and alive.

Pa, I know some sickness is also putting some of your dreams on hold for the meantime. Knowing you, I am confident that you will get through this triumphant. You were never a quitter to start with. I have high hopes that you and Ma will pull through this in no time.

Pa and Ma, I am always here and I will never let go. From the deepest recesses of my heart, I am immensely grateful. I will keep living my dreams for both of you.

High heavens, thank you for that moment of clarity...

For those autistic tendencies that reside in you...

I know that look.
You don't need to say a word
for me to get
what you are thinking.

But you,
You don't have an idea
That there's a big difference
Between being alone
And being lonely.

You are seeing me alone.
Yet that does not mean I am lonely.
I can manage
And work this out
by myself.

I don't detest crowds.
I can get lost in them
if i choose to.

This is just one of those things that I wish to do...
ALONE...

Pwede ba kitang iuwi?

Sana'y magtagpo ang ating paningin
At bahala na ang tadhana
Kung saan hahantong 'yon.

Sana lang
'Di ka masyadong mabihag
ng mga ilaw na patay-sindi
O nang mga katawang
Sumasabay
Sa tiyempo ng bahay-musika (house music?! hehe)

'Di ko na matiis
Ang amoy ng lugar na ito.
Ang daming amoy-chico
At ako'y nangangamoy
sigarilyo na.

Kaya sige na,
lingon ka na
at nang magtagpo
na ang ating mga mata
At maiuwi na kita...

Nosebleed!

You ask me
Questions
That leave me
Dumbfounded
For a minute or
Two.

I just lose all
Traces
Of rational thoughts
And my braincells
Melt,
They get twisted
Into a hopeless
Knot
Of sheer, unadulterated
Panic.

Who would have thought
That you'd leave me
Feeling
Like I have just gotten
One of
PACMAN's power
Punches
on my
Nose
When I least expect it.

Next question please!

Kick-ass!

Just a random thought for today:


In any of your dealings, it is always better to be kick-ass than kiss-ass.

I need space!

Baby, I need my space so please allow me to hop on your love rocket.

PS: I want to see stars...

of gaybars and macho dancers...

Whenever I go to gay bars, it's not really the macho dancers that I am excited of. Seriously, that has never been the case in all my twenty-six years of gay existence. I swear, I don't notice those to-die-for biceps, those bulges at the right places, those glutathione-maintained skin, and those anime'-inspired hairstyles of the dancers. I without fear of any violent reaction would declare to all of you now, that I notice more the music these dancers gyrate to. I pay more attention to the disco balls (gulp*) than the skimpy clothing these buff-bodied men wear. I don't really mind all these testosterone going on. I would rather hold debates on whether the french fries they serve taste better than when I last visited the place.

Kidding! I'm sure you guys did not believe all the crap I just dished out. If you guys did, then you sure did.

Anyway, I went to one last night and this is the whole point of this blog, that I went to one after almost a year of hiatus.

Nothing much has changed really except for the new faces I got to see. The routines? I got to see them all before. The routines were just like some gay porn movie that fizzled since it did not offer anything new.

Some of the dancers? Oh you would have wanted to shove Red Bulls or Enervon tablets up their arses. They do not have the energy. Period.

I do not have any idea as to how I'm supposed to end this blog so let's just end it here.

Impressions...

I learned a thing or two over the past few days. That impressions, they can change in a snap. It doesn't have to be that a certain person does something of grave proportions for your impression of him/her to shift gears. A single word uttered, a tantrum thrown, broken promises, a single "hi" or "hello", a seemingly harmless SMS are just some potent factors that can change the way you view a person. One of my first impressions about a co-worker just changed today. Before, I used to view her as someone so vain and so full of herself. She holds her head up high while doing catwalks in the office and emits that aura of someone who you can't approach and talk to. I thank high heavens I got to know her a little better. More than the pictures I tried to paint on my mind of her, I see a person who values her job more than anything else. I see someone who has her mind set on the future. I see someone you can actually talk to about anything under the sun. First impressions never really last and those impressions I had of her before just shattered into pieces.

Some good impressions though easily fly out of the window. Some people who are on the top of your list of those "who never disappoint" might plummet at the bottom of the said list after one violent reaction over a last-minute change in plans. Well, part of me might be wrong in believing too much on the idea that they'll be the first to understand because apparently, that's not what has happened.

I'm not ranting here. I'm just recounting these instances when certain impressions about a person change. I write this blog knowing fully well that I may have done something in the past that has made a change on the impressions people have of me. But should I even try to create a good impression all the time? I can certainly do this but in the end, it will be one futile act. Because really, you cannot please everybody and the main thing here is to just be yourself. The people who truly care would accept and appreciate you for what you are without you having to CHANGE!

Now that's a lesson well-learned.