Never too late...

Yours could have been my first encounter of what they so call tough love. It turned out though that I chose to get too overwhelmed with your toughness that I can't see the love hidden in the background.

I remember how easy it was to harbor those ill feelings that developed through the years. I remember how I have managed to talk nonchalantly to my friends on just how annoying your anger management challenges were and how hard-hitting, reckless, and biting those words you hurled were when I was young.

Believe me when I say that I spent so much time hating you and getting any glimmer of a chance to be far away from you was something that onced crossed the deep recesses of my mind before.

But as they say, things just get better in time and wounds are healed. Looking back in retrospect, I think I have to thank high heavens for those days I was jobless for a few months. It gave me ample time to think and go through those past emotional rollercoasters in a different perspective. Mom has been convincing me ever so often to look at the positives and I have shunned her all the time. I refused each time she opened up the topic. I was so glad I gave in to chance. Before deciding to embrace a career in Cebu, I knew I was ready...

I knew I was ready to let go of the hurt and be more open to the idea that loving can take many forms. I know you knew of the hurts and struggles. I haven't been able to tell you though that I've let go. They say that there are some things that should both be said and shown. This is one of them but I know you're awkward to drama and so am I. For now, I just wish that through my actions, you will be led to that belief that I hold no hurts anymore and such decision to let go of such has been nothing less of rewarding. It is one of the best decisions I have made in my 26 years of existence.

There are still instances that I wallow in disappointment. It frustrates me to think of just how much time was wasted for holding on to that anger. It is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Pa, I have never told you this at all but I deeply appreciate how you have taken care and loved Mama all throughout the years. It hasn't been easy over the most recent ones but you have been such a loving husband to Ma who had to put some dreams on hold after retirement due to sickness.

Thank you for taking care of my brothers Adrian and Redentor, and my sister Roselle. I thank you letting me and my siblings see the value of good education.

Thank you for letting me experience without fail the kinilaw and barbecue that I long for whenever I get the chance to go home.

Thank you for those times you took us to school and fetch us after classes, and for waking up early every Saturdays just so I don't get to be tardy during my CAT officership training way back in high school.

You have truly made me see a love that is unconventional yet real, unconditional and alive.

Pa, I know some sickness is also putting some of your dreams on hold for the meantime. Knowing you, I am confident that you will get through this triumphant. You were never a quitter to start with. I have high hopes that you and Ma will pull through this in no time.

Pa and Ma, I am always here and I will never let go. From the deepest recesses of my heart, I am immensely grateful. I will keep living my dreams for both of you.

High heavens, thank you for that moment of clarity...