Goodbye 2009... Hello 2010

2009, i can sum you up in two words; trying times. You weren't entirely a bad year but there were a few times I second-guessed. I also had my share of decisions that never really turned out to be sound after all. Still, i refused to wallow in regret.

2009, you made me realize that I should stand by my decisions and make it work!

2010, you are just a hearbeat away. I want to embrace you with high hopes. I fervently hope that I would be in the pink of health and have moments of clarity when I most need it.

2010, when you take over, I want to take more risks and decide on things that could change my life forever. I'll be more vocal on things that I feel so strongly about and to not wallow in regret knowing that I took the plunge and gave my 100%.

Lastly, I would be more open towards the mistakes that I might commit along the way and learn from them so they can inspire me to do things better the next time.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Blogless...

So the blogless days have piled up.

I apologize.

I have been swamped with work lately.

My life has embraced long hours in the office and I have succumbed to panic-stricken attempts to meet deadlines. I can't even get decent sleep and stress levels are at an all-time high.

I end the day with my brain totally fried. It always reaches its maximum tolerance level to a point that it just shuts down and refuses to deal with any more thoughts.

It's tough.

A week ago, I had to visit the clinic due to an excruciating encounter with headache. When the nurse monitored my blood pressure, the results of which had her internal alarms on a wild ringing spree. Seriously, she panicked that she insisted that I be brought to the emergency section of the nearest hospital.

Then the nurse prepared the wheelchair. Such act gave me nerves, lots of nerves. I had to subject the nurse to a few minutes of verbal debate as I felt that there's no need for such. In the end, I have to give in though. The nurse's imposing sweet voice coupled with a face that screamed sheer, unadulterated panic led me to just give up and get on with it.

Weird! That's how I felt when the nurse started to push the wheelchair where my arse is slumped in. The elevator trip calmed me for a bit as we weren't sharing it with anyone else.

I wasn't prepared however for the many people in the lobby and the people dining in Jollibee (a local fastfood chain). They were witnesses to one of my most unflattering moments. That wheelchair fiasco inevitably attracted attention from everyone.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, I spent a few hours in the emergency unit of Perpetual Soccour Hospital. I got discharged the same day.

I am better now, hopefully having more traction as far as work is concerned.

Is it safe to say that I am back to blogging?

Could be.

One thing's for sure now. This is not the last of my blogging attempts.

Good times!

I am so in love with the 2010 Starbuck's Planner. The past few days had me on frequent trips to the said coffee and pastry shop to complete what's required. Today marks the culmination as I finally got my very own.

I am itching to have my to-dos scribbled in the posh planner. Life has so far been not that messy. I feel however that this planner might help me be more on top of things.

I detest being caught offguard and be cramming for deadlines. I hate being caught in a daze of confusion, unable to make heads or tails of the situations I face. The planner can help straighten things out. Still, it's up to me to really make it work. What good would those scribbles be if I don't make that effort to accomplish/act on them?

Anyway, I would probably be on hibernation temporarily as far as getting those frapuccinos in Starbucks. I know I have gained weight from all those sinful whipped cream they place on top and drizzle with equally sinful chocolate syrup.

Unless I need coffee to keep me awake, I will be a no-show in Starbuck's.

I just bought new kick-ass speakers! Now, my room can have that VUDU/Penthouse (these are Cebu clubs/bars) feel minus the smoke, the booze, the strobe lights and the party people.

I am stoked to no bounds. Now I can hold concerts in my room when I am feeling diva-like. I can also unleash that groovy side in me whenever I feel like putting my dancing shoes on.

When I want to retire, I can just rely on slow jams plus the aircon in full thermostat mode. That would certainly be perfect in setting the mood.

I am now carefully making edits on the 3,050 songs I have shoved on my IPOD. I am creating playlists and making sure that these songs are assigned to its most fitting genre.

Good times!

Empty...

My life

has started to revolve around you.

Loving you

has become second nature to me.

Your thoughts,

I need to be in touch

with them.

Otherwise,

I feel

empty.

My mom

once told me

to keep

chasing

my dreams...

You are my

dream.

You make me

happy.

If I keep chasing

you

every waking moment

of my life,

doesn't that make me

a stalker? :-p

The heart of the matter...

You can't remain broken forever...

You are way tougher than you think you are...

You are stronger than your fears...

I trust in you that even through the ugliest of circumstances, you will keep on.

After the bleeding, I hope you still reach out for the love that has never been lost all this time. I wish you remain hopeful. I wish you remain open to loving once again.

Simply because the one that carries you has so much more love to give...

And time is just too short to wallow in hate...

I love you. I will take care of you...

Waiting...

Perhaps, the most paralyzing fear one could ever get into is to have nothing left to do but wait. There's just too much uncertainty in such and it is depressing once the odds are revealed that you have been waiting for nothing all along.

Waiting can unleash hope in us yet it can ignite impatience in us too. To be very cryptic yet real about it, it's a double-edged sword that would leave one bleeding if we're not too careful.

I sit here in the corner of nothingness, waiting for your return. Some have been blunt in telling me that my greatest of aspirations of you coming back is one hopeless case. I don't care.

I continue to bask in that glimmer of a chance.

The sun is setting and I'll keep the light on when darkness takes over.

I am not losing hope. This is not a case of unrequited love and broken promises.

Please, let me believe in love once more...

Discontent...

When I feel discontent,

I won't give you the cold treatment

simply because you don't deserve it.

I won't keep it to myself.

I'll tell you what's the real deal.

I won't overanalyze things.

I know I am not being paranoid

when I let you in on what I feel.

I am not being demanding

nor clingy when I do so.

I'd rather let you know

than to pretend that things

are going as it should be.

You might notice my coldness

if I hold it all in

And that is unfair to you.

We are in this together.

What we have is borne out of love

and me saying this discontent

is my way of telling you

that I care for what we have.

After all, we are in this

because we want to be happy.

Me telling you this might be a wake-up call

yet I am not afraid to let you know.

Because there's one thing I am sure of.

There's so much more love you can give...

"If you want more love, why don't you say so?" - Heartbreak Warfare (John Mayer)

Redundancy...

I don't want to write about redundancy even if my life has been succumbing to such lately.

Somehow, I want to experience that takeoff. I need something to shake me off from the monotony that has been keeping me in chains for the past months or so.

I long to blog about new adventures. I long to experience the thrills of trying out new things. Yet, it all comes to this.

I am stuck on the same routine even if I detest the idea of being a creature of habit.

Life, please allow me to experience something

Random...

Out of the blue...

Unexpected...

Exciting...

Goosebump-inducing...

Allow me to experience something

Imaginative

Creative

Yet real...

I will break free slowly and when I do, I'll bask in its warm glow for as long as I could...