Goodbye 2009... Hello 2010

2009, i can sum you up in two words; trying times. You weren't entirely a bad year but there were a few times I second-guessed. I also had my share of decisions that never really turned out to be sound after all. Still, i refused to wallow in regret.

2009, you made me realize that I should stand by my decisions and make it work!

2010, you are just a hearbeat away. I want to embrace you with high hopes. I fervently hope that I would be in the pink of health and have moments of clarity when I most need it.

2010, when you take over, I want to take more risks and decide on things that could change my life forever. I'll be more vocal on things that I feel so strongly about and to not wallow in regret knowing that I took the plunge and gave my 100%.

Lastly, I would be more open towards the mistakes that I might commit along the way and learn from them so they can inspire me to do things better the next time.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Blogless...

So the blogless days have piled up.

I apologize.

I have been swamped with work lately.

My life has embraced long hours in the office and I have succumbed to panic-stricken attempts to meet deadlines. I can't even get decent sleep and stress levels are at an all-time high.

I end the day with my brain totally fried. It always reaches its maximum tolerance level to a point that it just shuts down and refuses to deal with any more thoughts.

It's tough.

A week ago, I had to visit the clinic due to an excruciating encounter with headache. When the nurse monitored my blood pressure, the results of which had her internal alarms on a wild ringing spree. Seriously, she panicked that she insisted that I be brought to the emergency section of the nearest hospital.

Then the nurse prepared the wheelchair. Such act gave me nerves, lots of nerves. I had to subject the nurse to a few minutes of verbal debate as I felt that there's no need for such. In the end, I have to give in though. The nurse's imposing sweet voice coupled with a face that screamed sheer, unadulterated panic led me to just give up and get on with it.

Weird! That's how I felt when the nurse started to push the wheelchair where my arse is slumped in. The elevator trip calmed me for a bit as we weren't sharing it with anyone else.

I wasn't prepared however for the many people in the lobby and the people dining in Jollibee (a local fastfood chain). They were witnesses to one of my most unflattering moments. That wheelchair fiasco inevitably attracted attention from everyone.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, I spent a few hours in the emergency unit of Perpetual Soccour Hospital. I got discharged the same day.

I am better now, hopefully having more traction as far as work is concerned.

Is it safe to say that I am back to blogging?

Could be.

One thing's for sure now. This is not the last of my blogging attempts.

Good times!

I am so in love with the 2010 Starbuck's Planner. The past few days had me on frequent trips to the said coffee and pastry shop to complete what's required. Today marks the culmination as I finally got my very own.

I am itching to have my to-dos scribbled in the posh planner. Life has so far been not that messy. I feel however that this planner might help me be more on top of things.

I detest being caught offguard and be cramming for deadlines. I hate being caught in a daze of confusion, unable to make heads or tails of the situations I face. The planner can help straighten things out. Still, it's up to me to really make it work. What good would those scribbles be if I don't make that effort to accomplish/act on them?

Anyway, I would probably be on hibernation temporarily as far as getting those frapuccinos in Starbucks. I know I have gained weight from all those sinful whipped cream they place on top and drizzle with equally sinful chocolate syrup.

Unless I need coffee to keep me awake, I will be a no-show in Starbuck's.

I just bought new kick-ass speakers! Now, my room can have that VUDU/Penthouse (these are Cebu clubs/bars) feel minus the smoke, the booze, the strobe lights and the party people.

I am stoked to no bounds. Now I can hold concerts in my room when I am feeling diva-like. I can also unleash that groovy side in me whenever I feel like putting my dancing shoes on.

When I want to retire, I can just rely on slow jams plus the aircon in full thermostat mode. That would certainly be perfect in setting the mood.

I am now carefully making edits on the 3,050 songs I have shoved on my IPOD. I am creating playlists and making sure that these songs are assigned to its most fitting genre.

Good times!

Empty...

My life

has started to revolve around you.

Loving you

has become second nature to me.

Your thoughts,

I need to be in touch

with them.

Otherwise,

I feel

empty.

My mom

once told me

to keep

chasing

my dreams...

You are my

dream.

You make me

happy.

If I keep chasing

you

every waking moment

of my life,

doesn't that make me

a stalker? :-p

The heart of the matter...

You can't remain broken forever...

You are way tougher than you think you are...

You are stronger than your fears...

I trust in you that even through the ugliest of circumstances, you will keep on.

After the bleeding, I hope you still reach out for the love that has never been lost all this time. I wish you remain hopeful. I wish you remain open to loving once again.

Simply because the one that carries you has so much more love to give...

And time is just too short to wallow in hate...

I love you. I will take care of you...

Waiting...

Perhaps, the most paralyzing fear one could ever get into is to have nothing left to do but wait. There's just too much uncertainty in such and it is depressing once the odds are revealed that you have been waiting for nothing all along.

Waiting can unleash hope in us yet it can ignite impatience in us too. To be very cryptic yet real about it, it's a double-edged sword that would leave one bleeding if we're not too careful.

I sit here in the corner of nothingness, waiting for your return. Some have been blunt in telling me that my greatest of aspirations of you coming back is one hopeless case. I don't care.

I continue to bask in that glimmer of a chance.

The sun is setting and I'll keep the light on when darkness takes over.

I am not losing hope. This is not a case of unrequited love and broken promises.

Please, let me believe in love once more...

Discontent...

When I feel discontent,

I won't give you the cold treatment

simply because you don't deserve it.

I won't keep it to myself.

I'll tell you what's the real deal.

I won't overanalyze things.

I know I am not being paranoid

when I let you in on what I feel.

I am not being demanding

nor clingy when I do so.

I'd rather let you know

than to pretend that things

are going as it should be.

You might notice my coldness

if I hold it all in

And that is unfair to you.

We are in this together.

What we have is borne out of love

and me saying this discontent

is my way of telling you

that I care for what we have.

After all, we are in this

because we want to be happy.

Me telling you this might be a wake-up call

yet I am not afraid to let you know.

Because there's one thing I am sure of.

There's so much more love you can give...

"If you want more love, why don't you say so?" - Heartbreak Warfare (John Mayer)

Redundancy...

I don't want to write about redundancy even if my life has been succumbing to such lately.

Somehow, I want to experience that takeoff. I need something to shake me off from the monotony that has been keeping me in chains for the past months or so.

I long to blog about new adventures. I long to experience the thrills of trying out new things. Yet, it all comes to this.

I am stuck on the same routine even if I detest the idea of being a creature of habit.

Life, please allow me to experience something

Random...

Out of the blue...

Unexpected...

Exciting...

Goosebump-inducing...

Allow me to experience something

Imaginative

Creative

Yet real...

I will break free slowly and when I do, I'll bask in its warm glow for as long as I could...

Beachy encounters

*You are as conservative

as your boxer shorts.

Isn't it high-time

you loosen up

just like the strings

supporting my board shorts?

*I can skimboard my way

to be within your reach.

It's only a few minutes

before you get

that most mind-splitting

trajectory projectile

experience

ever!

Beer match

Were you ever worth those two bottles of strong beer?

I was never a fan of the bitter taste but it's probably what I needed all along to finally make that move. You see, I am naturally shy and no matter how hard I try, it all ends up to this.

I suck at flirting.

I hope you didn't notice the jitters as I approached you from across the room and finally mumbled my first lines, "are you with someone tonight?" You smiled and gave me the reply I needed.

Everything else was a blur that night except for that kick that I got from drinking beer. I was a total klutz but you didn't mind. At least that's what you told me.

Now, I ask once again. Were you ever worth those two bottles of beer?

You must be. It's been a whirlwind of a month and things are going far greater than I expected it to be.

Steady lang tayo...

Happiness in uncertainty?

There would come a time when you have to face the music. There would come a time when all that doubt would have to simply fade into oblivion.

I want you to be prepared...

For the truth might not be of your liking.

For your hopes might be false all along.

For your expectations might get shattered.

You have been holding on to this for so long. You are dangerously anchored in the happiness you feel even if it meant sailing through the cold, uncaring waters of uncertainty.

You must finally get that courage to face your fears. It's time to be in touch with what's real. I don't want you to hold on to this uncertainty for one minute more. You see, the longer you subscribe to this uncertainty, the more likely you'll get hurt.

Ask away! Do not betray yourself by holding on to temporary happiness and deafening uncertainty. These two hardly ever mesh.

Ask away for you might just have the most pleasant surprise of your life.

Ask away! If it ever were to be a worst-case scenario, cry. Learn to bask however in that moment of clarity after. You will heal for sure.

Then you can move on and fall in love again.

Dear Rainy Tuesday...

You never fail, my dear friend. You set the mood in a heartbeat.

I am lying in bed in the company of comforting pillows and cozy sheets as you fall. I wish though that I have someone beside me now so we can make out the whole afternoon.There's none and it sucks a bit. What use would my make-out playlist have if no one's here?

Wallowing in could-have-beens is not part of my agendum today however so I won't let that sucky thought cross my mind anymore.

I am so over it. I am moving on.

I am tempted to read a book. My senses have been ignited to go out and get drenched. My bed's urging me to sleep. My IPOD is just within reach.

All these temptations swirling about in my head, wanting to be the first in priority.

Yet here I am, typing away.

I love to blog, can't you see?

Some things would have to wait. I won't give in to anything as of yet until these last lines of my blog.

Make out.

Get cozy.

Give in to John Mayer's new album "Battle Studies."

Do reruns of the movie "500 Days of Summer."

Succumb to slumber.

Tough choices, eh?

I choose slumber. With that, I say, "have a cozy afternoon."

Jobless...

This is not going to be a weepy tale of my jobless days years back. I was relatively young then anyway and except for not having money to spare for my wants and for some relatively rare instances of boredom, those days turned out great.

I was fresh from a brief stint of junior accountant duties in some corporation specializing in the manufacture of animal feeds. I had to stop since I was not enjoying my job anymore. I spent endless days with countless sheets of journals and 16-column worksheets. I, tasked with a punishing workload would end up taking work home. I found it unhealthy and I came to a realization that it would be better if I start looking for a job which I would enjoy being in.

Hence, the jobless days. The parental units didn't seem to care for the first few days. Two weeks went down the lane and them seeing me not making any effort to look for a job caused their internal alarms to be on a wild ringing spree. They didn't bother to hide their disappointment anymore.

I on the other hand had the time of my life. I watched TV until my eyes were half-blind.

I longed for those days I woke up as late as I wanted to.

I remember those days I frequented my aunt's sari-sari store slash videoke house. I held concerts there from late mornings to late afternoons.

If nothing's good to see on TV, I was tuned in to radio. I was a radio freak, freak enough to memorize Dice and K9's "Itsumo" even. I participated interactive radio programs. Such involvement however on these radio programs can only go as far as my cellphone load's limit.

The downsides? There are a few but the most memorable would have to be not having caught the movies "Kill Bill", "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", and "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" in cinemas. Sigh, I still remember how interesting the discussion was on NU 107 then about the 3rd installment of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. That was the very time I wished I had a job and had money to spare for movie tickets. Anyway, these movies I missed, I got to watch them eventually on DVD.

One month and 2 weeks after my resignation as junior accountant, I was ready to take on another job. The novelty of a stress-free life has started to wane. It was perfect timing. I was watching some local series with a story revolving around mermaids. An ad about a business processing outsourcing company conducting a job fair in Royal Mandaya Hotel in Davao then appeared.

I was Davao-bound the next day to take my chances. The rest as they say is history.

My Grown-up Christmas List

The Holidays are just around the corner and everyone of my Facebook friends have started posting photo albums of what their wishes are for the upcoming season. I might as well do the same...here in my blog.

Let's take this however at face value, folks. This is a wishlist and some of what's on my wishlist might remain wishes this year. That's really just how the cookie crumbles. Anyway, there's still next year. :-)

Here goes.

Every episode of Ugly Betty has never disappointed in providing the laughs, and the inspiration. It would be nice to have the DVD of the 3 seasons handy when you're in the mood for reruns instead of having to watch them online.

Next on the list are approved vacation leaves. This reminds me to file them now. I have heard of vacation leaves that never got approved because they were never filed in the first place. :-p

An IPHONE! It's like your reliable mobile phone and IPOD in one gadget. This is definitely a must-have. I am really contemplating if I'm going to buy one as a gift to myself for Christmas.


A reliable digital camera to capture the moments. My blogs would definitely be more interesting if I have this instead of just relying on my camera phone.



I miss mom, dad, and my siblings in Davao. It would be totally delightful to be home even for just a few days this Christmas.



Durable and reliable headphones for my IPOD! I have no luck when it comes to earphones. I always had to buy new ones every 3 months.




The green and blue colors are on blissful orgy in this jacket. I am an Adidas fan!

Last year, I remember splurging a portion of my 13th-month pay for some white-colored Adidas shoes which up until now remains to be my favorite from amongst my shoe collection. Time for a new favorite, baby!. I think I'm drawn to this black and orange one.

Someone as arresting as this Asian star!

And lastly, world peace.

If ever just one of my wishes are to come true, let it be this. This is not one futile wish as I will start propagating peace within me.

A man as scorching-hot as the one in the pic posted above is a close second to those wishes I'd wish to come true if only one would. :-)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE! :-)

My life in ruins...

To put it very bluntly, sh*t happens.

Sometimes, our aspirations and plans do not coincide with reality. In life, we experience detours and setbacks and it's frustrating.

For Georgia (played by Nia Vardalos of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" fame), life has taken a downturn after she lost her teaching job in Athens. Being a tour guide is the last thing on her mind but she had to succumb to such to make ends meet. She hates the job and it shows. She's uptight and boring.

Georgia's "kefi" (Greek word for passion and enthusiasm) has gone down the drain and thoughts of her life having no sense of direction starts to drench into her system like a waterfall.

"My Life in Ruins" is a movie that I can very much relate to. You see, at a young age of 26, I still have those really dark moments wherein thoughts of a life not having any sense of direction eats at me. Some might say that I shouldn't be going through this phase. I have been in the business processing outsourcing industry for five years and I had some share of success as far as my career is concerned. Two promotions in 5 years is not bad. It's not bad at all.

Still, such thoughts linger. I feel that at my age, I could have accomplished more. I could have done more. I have a lot of dreams that have remained dreams and it becomes frustrating when I get to a realization that I am putting my life on hold because of some circumstances.

This movie however inspires. It tells me straight to my face that it is never too late to make things happen. Just like Georgia, I am given a chance to make each day the best that it can ever be.

I should just revive the "kefi" that got lost along the way.

Of course, it never hurts to get a little help from my friends.

And I should take one of the tourist's advice to Georgia when they did a stopover at the Parthenon. I should stop anticipating the obstacles and instead focus on the magic that happens every waking day of my life.

Rating: 5/5

* This movie is heartwarming, inspiring, and funny. It tells a story and doesn't lose itself as a travelogue.

All that jazz...

*Brilliance would not mean anything
If no one affirms that you are.

*Flimsy excuses are always pathetic.
No one will buy it.
Declaring to everyone that you are not selling it
Is just another pathetic excuse that no one will ever buy.

*No one is perfect
and it is perfectly okay to admit that you are wrong if you indeed are.

*Humility, it is so rare to see these days...
Sad, but true...

That fear of the unknown

The phrase "fear of the unknown" used to hold no meaning to me before. It's so easy to associate such line as cliche's we never seem to get tired of. I was blunt then. I couldn't fathom the idea as to how someone would harbor fear over something they are vague about. For me, those lines were just verbal arsenals that losers like to arm themselves with when they can't seem to figure things out.

Such was the case until I was caught off-guard one day. I saw an ugly trend starting to loom over the horizon. Waking up suddenly became as complex and as difficult as that college algebra math equation that I haven't made an effort to make heads or tails with.

What is happening? It's like I am dreading having to start my days and if I had my way, I'll just sleep the whole day.

I never had to deal with any of these things before. I had my answers then when I was caught up in these situations. The reflective mode in me has already been unleashed and hard as I try to rack all crevices of my brain to search for the cause of that fear, I see myself on a dead-end. And that frustrates me. There's that yearning to know and when that is not satisfied, another kind of fear takes its course.

I may not be able to figure out the cause of this fear yet, but I have already figured out as to what I should do when I am caught up in these frustrating circumstances. I will just get out of bed minus the second thoughts and over-analysis, prepare for work and deal with the unexpected things the day would bring.

I have come to a realization that even if such a fear is unknown, I don't necessarily have to fully figure it out. I'll just let it slip away for good. It's all in the mind as they say. Now that's one hell of a cliche'.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

You can deny it all you want but this second installment of the Twilight franchise is highly-anticipated. I hear people talk about it during smoke breaks. I read it in forums. I see my Facebook contacts posting the trailer or just plain talking about it on their shoutouts.

I saw the first install and I left the cinema with nothing to rave about. Perhaps I should blame it on the fact that I didn't read the novel where it's based from. Or maybe not. I have watched movies which are adaptations of novels I never got to read but I still got to enjoy them.

Perhaps what really aroused my curiosity on that first install was Kristen Stewart. I love the movie "Panic Room" where she played the tomboyish daughter of Jodie Foster and it would be exciting as to how she'll attack a role that would have her saying cheesy lines about love and getting comfy with Robert Pattinson.

Anyway, that's not the whole point of this blog. What I really want to highlight here is that I am going to watch the second install for free. The employee engagement team of the business processing outsourcing company I work for will allow us employees to experience the saga for free by reserving an Ayala cinema exclusively for us. This would be for various screenings.

I am not really excited to see this movie.

Okay, maybe I am. I am excited to see Jacob Black in his half-naked glory. I have no right to complain as I am seeing this for free.

And maybe, just maybe, this movie would turn out to be a more interesting experience than the first. Otherwise, I'd just hope to be seated next to a cutie. My friend keeps reminding me a tad too often that trashy movies are never really a bad thing. If it's trashy, that only means you'll have more time to focus on cuddling with whoever's seated next to you. Just kidding!

I hope to see you guys there. So who's going to sit next to me? LOL

500 Days of Summer

It's exactly those thoughts that hopeless romantics want to get caught up in over and over again, finding "the one" by fate as the cosmic stars connive in its attempt for "happily ever after" to start taking its course.

Then a movie called "500 Days of Summer" comes along. Like a needle out to burst hopeless romantics' bubbles, it tries to defy formula. The line "this is not a love story" greets you shortly after the movie has started. Most romantic comedies have girls as hopeless romantics. This one tries to take on a different landscape as it has the boy hopelessly clinging on to destiny.

Whether you have been through really bad breakups or never had to be on the losing end in the game of love, this movie will give you that moment of clarity. It makes you want to explore the other side if you've been playing mostly Tom Hansen's character in real life or Summer's.

Never has a movie been so devoid of any cheesy lines. There are no airport scenes with one of the leads professing his/her realizations that it's love after all and how stupid he/she has been for figuring it out at the last minute.

This movie tries to keep it real. You want real, here's real.

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.

Tom: Knew what?

Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Pretty heart-wrenching!

My take in all of these is simple. The movie clearly shattered our idea of fate and destiny. In the end, everything's just coincidence and if something's meant to be, then it's bound to happen.

Everything may just be coincidence. This should not in any way hinder us however from taking chances for in taking chances, we could be finding the very thing or person that can make us happy for the rest of our lives.

Is there a happy ending for the Tom Hansens in us? There should be! For one, no one is in the losing end when he/she loves. Expectations may not coincide with reality. That's just how it works sometimes but in the end, you will learn to heal and move on.

Love is truly unpredictable. You or your partner may wake up one day and feel differently. With this as the case, we should never rely on anyone to keep us happy.

Rating: 5/5

In a heartbeat...

I'm so sorry.
It just so happened
That you can't change

The alignment of my moon and stars.

Whatever happens,
Would all depend
On how I deal

With what life has to offer me.

Watch me
Prove you

Wrong
In a hearbeat.